A Fools Journey
The fool card represents anything regarding new beginnings. It was my favorite card before reading tarot for myself and others. But as I began getting to know myself and started the descent, like Dante in the Divine Comedy, I wouldn't say I liked it. It brought change, and it turned out that I wasn't as good with change as I initially thought. The fool brings new starts and fresh perspectives, and I was against anything going against my carefully laid-out plans. I didn't fear the tower; destruction was commonplace, but I feared starting something new, the fool. Not knowing what was coming next, I took that fearless step and went on a new adventure.
As a person who grew up with a bit of a destructive family life, starting over or anew was not welcome. It meant trying something new, meeting new people, places, and even me. Every time my family moved and I had to change schools, it meant starting over, and the fool was there with me, walking into the new school and new environment and trying not to break down at the thought of doing everything all over again. As I grew, I thought I had mastered the fool, even before I began reading tarot. I thought I had it down, going to a new place and starting over, but I didn't know that I had completely replaced my old personality to begin anew instead of looking at who I was at my core and evolving in the new environment. I changed to fit in and make friends, liking things I didn't care for to make the transition more pliable.
So, as I started my spiritual journey, I thought, "Oh, starting something new? Going somewhere new? Meeting new people? I got this in the bag!" I was super confident, but then I looked into a trigger I had no idea I had. It started when I began law school and had this frightening fear. Nights of insomnia and fear took over. After intensive shadow work and many meditations, I realized that I wouldn't say I liked change and starting something new. It happened so quickly I didn't even notice it because I was so busy with another thing that it came out of nowhere. When I eventually dropped out of law school, I was still terrified of a new beginning. I was ecstatic about leaving what I considered the worst decision of my life. But that meant I had to go somewhere else and begin…again.
However, after a deep dive into my soul's purpose, getting to the root of the problem, which stemmed from my upbringing and uprooting as a child, I began to work with the fool. That isn't to say I don't get a little miffed about starting something new (I have a Taurus moon and am still so stubborn), but I decided to run with it and see where it took me. At this point, I knew what was meant for me would never pass me by, but that little voice (that irritably sounded just like my mother) made me fear something new.
In my day-to-day life, I take the fool with me and have become not so opposed to new beginnings. I have learned many lessons that have taught me to welcome change and breathe that fresh air after the tower has crumbled and gone and the dust has left you with only yourself and your innermost thoughts. I welcome it like an old friend when it is time again, and while it brings tears to my eyes to think of starting anew, I know it is for my highest good, and facing my fears is one way that contributes to my soul growth.
